Papercut
by elisclare
Summary: It was then that Clare Edwards wished for the moment to never end. She wished for the prolonging of the tingling in her body and the flush on her cheeks, for the feel of his lips on her cheek and his fingers locked with hers, so secure and warm. She wished for Eli Goldsworthy forever. All on a star that she couldn't see./AU/small multi-chapter/re-upload.


**A/N: **This is a re-upload of a short chapter-fic I wrote a long time ago. I have one other chapter fully written, but I'm not promising anything after that because tbh, it's really hard for me to even find the drive to write this pairing anymore. I love them to death, but what with the lack of life in the archive and how busy I've been since I got a job, I can barely stand to plan a fic out - much less finish something. The bottom line is that there are no promises with this or any of my other fics, but I guess I'm going to try and push through. Thank you for putting up with me, and to those of you who have been reading from me from the beginning, thank you so much for sticking with me through my bullshit.

This is AU.

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For once, in all her life, Clare Edwards doesn't know what to say. She hears him talking, she sees him wait for a response. But she can't give him one at the moment. All she can do is let his words hit her with a brutal force, and try not to stumble when she finally meets his tentative gaze.

"Clare…you do understand?" Eli Goldsworthy inquires, his hands dug deep into his jacket pockets and his breath blowing out visibly into the cold December air.

Truthfully, no. She doesn't understand. She doesn't understand how they got here, or why, suddenly, everything had to change.

"What's there to be confused about?" She finally whispers, tugging in her chapped bottom lip with her teeth, shielding it from the cold. "You didn't love me. " He was a liar.

"Don't…no, don't try to use that against me. You know damn good and well that I did." His eyes are locked on hers. She can feel it, but she tries her hardest not to look into his. She looks safely over his shoulder, sucking in a deep breath that burns her throat, waiting for an explanation that doesn't come.

"Do I?" She asks, shaking her head, feeling her curls brush her frigid cheeks. "God, I was so worried. You haven't returned my calls for weeks, Eli. You completely disregarded every email I sent. Every line of contact I had to you was suddenly invalid. You could have been _dead_, and I wouldn't have known about it!"

"I know, and I'm sorry. Goddamn it, I'm sorry. I just…I didn't want to hurt you," Eli replies, his eyes pleading.

"Well, you certainly did a good fucking job." She's surprised as the word angrily flows out of her mouth, and there is a stunned silence between them as the rest of the city buzzes on. It's heavy on her chest, her eyes blinking rapidly to hold back tears and shield her eyes from the stinging wind.

_How did we get here?_

"I can't, anymore," Eli finally says after a minute or two. "We live 500 fucking miles away from each other. You think this hasn't been hard on me either? Do you really think that I didn't want us to be able to work after the summer?"

"Wanting it wasn't enough."

_Love's not enough._

"You're right."

"So, what? Is this it? Do we just erase each other from our lives now, pretend that nothing happened? Am I just supposed to let you go and live your life, wondering how different it could have been if the stupid circumstances were different?" Clare asks, her voice broken and small.

"You'll get over me."

"No, I won't." A whisper.

"You have to."

"I don't have to do anything."

Eli lets out a frustrated sigh, his heart panging in his chest. "_I'm_ over you, Clare."

It is that moment that Clare Edwards feels her heart shatter into a million tiny, sharp pieces. Her throat closes up, and for a moment she ponders her ability to breathe. She feels as if she's been slapped, and even though the tears threaten to spill over, she wills the anger inside of her to rise up like a tidal wave. She can't afford to break down at the moment.

But she doesn't scream. She doesn't slap him. Because they're not in a movie and she's not as dramatic as everyone says she is, and he doesn't have the heart or the will to make him feel as bad as she feels at that exact moment. All she does is wait for several seconds, the cold finally settling into her bones and making her insides feel as icy as the sleet scattered on the winding sidewalk. And then she speaks, slowly, precisely, and ever-so-carefully.

"Thank you, Eli, for finally making that clear to me." Part of her feels like an absolute idiot, trying to justify her rather oblivious actions the past few weeks. The other can't seem to come up with an argument, or anything that will make him change his mind. It can barely register his words.

There are many more torturous, silent moments, and she looks Eli in the eyes for what she fears, and hopes is the last time. His gaze is hard and his face is almost expressionless. But his eyes are very, very clear, and even though her imagination thinks it sees just a flicker of guilt or regret in them, she brushes the pathetic thought from her mind and utters her last words. "Have a nice life," she mutters, before turning and walking away, the wind still harsh and bitter against her face.

Clare Edwards feels frozen from the inside out.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"_Do you believe in magic?"_

_Clare laughed at Eli's cheesy question before turning her head ever so slightly to look at him, his tender expression wiping the smile off of her face._

"_What do you mean?" She responded, resettling herself in his arms. They lay in her backyard, looking up at the starless night sky. Heavy clouds blocked out the moon, and all was dark besides the dim back patio light. "Like…pulling rabbits out of hats and making things float in mid-air?" Her tone was teasing, but honest and curious. Eli almost never spoke about things like this. _

"_I mean...don't laugh at me," he warned, Clare kissing him lightly on the cheek to reassure that she was listening seriously. "I mean, do you believe in things…like, if you wished on a star, persay…" Eli was tripping over his words, worried that he sounded like someone off of an 80s movie. He didn't open up very often, and Clare was well aware that when he did, he was vulnerable. Slowly, she slid her fingers under his where they rested on his stomach and intertwined them, urging him forward. "Would you…would you believe that it has a better chance of coming true?"_

_A few moments of silence passed as Clare thought, listening to Eli's heartbeat through his hoodie, before she finally answered. "I honestly don't know. I've never tried it. But…it certainly can't hurt anything to ask a star for a little guidance." _

"_You've really never wished on a star?" _

"_Never."_

"_Well, I guess this will be your first one, then."_

"_But you can't even see them," she laughed, squinting her eyes into the sky. "Too cloudy."_

_Eli looked at her softly. "They're still up there. They're still listening." She met his gaze. "All you have to have is a little more faith than usual."_

_Clare nodded, closing her eyes. "What should I wish for?"_

"_I don't know. What do you want?"_

"_What do _you_ want?" She responded, unable to come up with something that she didn't already have. Clare was content for the first time in ages_

_There was a whisper in her ear, and it sent a shiver down her spine._

"_I already have everything I need."_

_It was then that Clare Edwards wished for the moment to never end. She wished for the prolonging of the tingling in her body and the flush on her cheeks, for the feel of his lips on her cheek and his fingers locked with hers, so secure and warm. She wished for Eli Goldsworthy forever._

_All on a star that she couldn't see._

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__I'll upload the other chapter within the next two days :)

Reviews just might inspire me to get a move on with chapter 3, js.


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